As a continuing public service to our friends, clients, and colleagues and in recognition of the wisdom underpinning that well-worn adage “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” we will be featuring on this page, from time to time, the latest batch of lawyer jokes that pass our Discerning Knee Slapper Test (“DKST”). The DKST is admittedly a subjective measurement, based largely upon what’s coming down the pike at any particular point in time and the test administrator’s mood at the time of joke submission.

Visitors to our website are encouraged to submit Lawyer Jokes1 for consideration. Those that pass the DKST will be posted here, without attribution. (We’re not trying to take credit for your or your Uncle Bill’s creative genius. We just figure that we’ll be getting the same jokes from about 50 different people and we also can’t be sure that you are who you say you are.)

Here are the rules:

  1. No copyrighted materials. We do not have the time nor the inclination to track down Carl Hiaasen or Dave Barry to see if it’s ok if we re-print their stuff.
  2. KISS (Keep it Short Stupid). While more appreciative than most of the fact that a good joke needs a great set-up, there are limits to the amount of space available on this site and the test administrator probably has ADD. No more than 400 words.
  3. Avoid the tried (or tired) and true. Everyone’s heard about the sharks and professional courtesy, six feet under being a good start, and others that have been around since the Rule in Shelley’s Case (another knee-slapper). Please try to keep it to something that you’ve only received once (if at all) in your email.
  4. No X-rated stuff. But sort of salty is ok. (This is as specific as the definition of “pornography,” which we all know when we see.)
  5. Light on Latin. Didn’t take the course and not about to start now. Anything beyond res ipsa loquitur will be unintelligible to the test administrator. Res judicata facit ex albo ingrum, ex nigro album, ex curvo rectum, ex recto curvum. (See what we mean? No, it’s not about curvy protologists nor the White Album.)
With these admonitions in mind, if you have a submission, click on the "Submit Joke" link on the left.  To chortle over the most current ditty to make it past the DKST administrator, click on the "Have a Laugh" link."
1“Lawyer Jokes,” for purposes of this page and resulting submissions, means amusing little ditties or anecdotes about lawyers, inclusive of unfounded stereotypic personality and professional traits, and may also include funnies about faux pas in depositions, on the witness stand, etc. “Knock-Knock” jokes (an oxymoron) are discouraged.
Click to submit your joke
Check the jokes